


Lockdown

by Robin Hood (kjack89)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon-Typical Discussion of Sexual Assault, Developing Relationship, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22666366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/Robin%20Hood
Summary: “After all these years, don’t I deserve at least a little professional courtesy?” Barba asked.“That would require you to be a professional, Carisi told him sourly. “Last I heard, you had run off to Iowa, decided to become an expert in election law.”Barba arched an eyebrow. “I was in Iowa for the caucus, yes, but as you may have heard on the news, given what a debacle it was, it’s now over. Besides which, I never claimed to be an expert in election law.”“Wow, so you’re admitting there’s something you’re not an expert in?” Carisi asked savagely, jabbing the button for the elevator. “I could die of shock.”
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 19
Kudos: 204





	Lockdown

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who has worked in and around politics for my entire career, I am aghast, but not remotely surprised, that the SVU writers room fucked up something as simple as the difference between a caucus and a primary.
> 
> Not to mention the completely nonsensical proposition of a criminal attorney popping out to Iowa for "election fraud".
> 
> Reader, I can _not._
> 
> ANYWAY, in my continued quest to bring sense to the senseless, enjoy. Usual disclaimer. Please be kind and tip your fanfic writers in the form of comments and/or kudos!

“Look, you know I’m always happy to go to bat for SVU to get a warrant, but I need something a little stronger than Kat’s gut feeling this time,” Carisi said, tucking his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he rustled around in his briefcase for a specific case file. “Get me some evidence, any evidence, and—”

He broke off, stopping in his tracks when he saw someone sitting at his desk.

Someone very familiar sitting at his desk, leaning back in his chair, his feet propped up on the desk as if he owned the damn place.

Someone Carisi wasn’t sure he was ever going to see again.

“I gotta go,” he told Amanda, hanging up before she can even respond, and he took barely a half-step forward, unable to look away from Barba, no matter how much he might want to. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked, his voice hoarse even to his own ears.

“Figured turnabout was fair play after the number of times you let yourself into my office uninvited,” Barba said with a smirk, though his smile faded when he realized that Carisi wasn’t even remotely amused, and he took his feet off the desk before sitting up. “I came to talk to you about the Kylie Long case.”

Carisi’s expression didn’t change. “Did you come here to accept the plea deal that I offered your client?” he asked icily.

“No, I came here to tell you that you should drop the charges.”

“Then you and I have nothing to talk about.” Carisi grabbed some files from his desk, mostly picking them at random to give himself something, anything to do besides stare at Barba, besides give in to the emotion he could feel licking up his throat. Once he had gathered up enough files to make the whole thing seem plausible, he turned on heel to leave.

He wished he could say he was surprised that Barba followed him, almost as much as he wished he could say it didn’t give him the smallest amount of satisfaction that Barba did. “After all these years, don’t I deserve at least a little professional courtesy?” Barba asked.

“That would require you to be a professional, Carisi told him sourly. “Last I heard, you had run off to Iowa, decided to become an expert in election law.”

Barba arched an eyebrow. “I was in Iowa for the caucus, yes, but as you may have heard on the news, given what a debacle it was, it’s now over. Besides which, I never claimed to be an expert in election law.”

“Wow, so you’re admitting there’s something you’re not an expert in?” Carisi asked savagely, jabbing the button for the elevator. “I could die of shock.”

“Fascinating though this new attitude may be, I highly doubt you’re this angry with me for ensuring our democracy actually attempts to function,” Barba said evenly, following Carisi onto the elevator. “So why don’t you tell me what this is actually about?”

Carisi all but punched the button for the ground floor. “Gee, I dunno,” he said, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Maybe it’s about the fact that I haven’t seen you in months and the first thing you do when you roll back into town is decide to be defense attorney for a rapist on a case I’m prosecuting. That ring any bells, Counselor?”

Barba said something that was lost in the sound of the elevator doors closing, and Carisi scowled at him. “What?” he asked impatiently.

“I said, alleged rapist,” Barba repeated.

Carisi let out a derisive snort. “Words I never thought I’d hear outta your mouth,” he said scornfully. “Then again, I probably should’ve realized a long time ago that I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

Barba looked like he was trying very hard not to roll his eyes. “And I apparently should’ve realized that getting a cop to actually consider that the accused is innocent was too much to ask.”

Carisi scowled. “I’m not a cop anymore.”

Barba just shrugged. “Once a cop, always a cop,” he said dismissively.

“Yeah, and once an asshole, always—”

“Shut up,” Barba said, cutting him off, and Carisi rolled his eyes.

“Oh, don’t even,” he scoffed. “I know you’ve been called worse than an asshole before—”

Barba gave him a withering glare. “For once in your life, be quiet for a moment,” he snapped impatiently, before turning to look closely at the elevator controls. “The elevator’s not making any noise and we’ve stopped moving.”

Carisi stared blankly at him. “What?”

“I think they cut the power,” Barba said, and Carisi’s brow furrowed.

“Why would they—”

He groaned in realization, and he and Barba muttered in unison, “Lockdown.”

Carisi sighed heavily and kicked the elevator door lightly, as if that would somehow make a difference. “What do you bet it is this time?” he asked moodily, pulling his phone out to see if he’d gotten a notification from One Hogan Place security about the reason for the lockdown.

Barba sighed as well and shrugged, leaning against the wall of the elevator. “As exciting as it might actually be for it being a bomb threat or an armed intruder, my guess is probably just another unmarked package that someone forgot to stick a note on.”

Carisi made a face as he scrolled through the email he’d gotten with a ‘shelter in place, building on lockdown’ warning. “Of course,” he said sourly. “Today of all days.”

“Text Cristian on the maintenance staff,” Barba said, sounding bored as he scrolled through his phone as well. “It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had to come get me out of one of these elevators during a lockdown.”

“Cristian doesn’t work here anymore,” Carisi informed him.

Barba looked up, blinking in surprise. “What? Since when?”

Carisi shrugged. “His mom got sick so he moved back home to take care of her.”

“I had no idea,” Barba said.

“Yeah, well, a lot’s changed since you left.”

Carisi hadn’t meant for it to sound as bitter as it did, but he couldn’t help himself. Something flickered in Barba’s face before being tamped down, replaced by his usual neutral look. “Well, there is one bright side to this,” he said bracingly.

Carisi glanced at him. “What’s that?”

“You really have no choice but to hear me out now.” Carisi rolled his eyes but Barba barrelled onward, a determined set to his expression as he looked up at Carisi. “The Kylie Long case. I need you to reconsider bringing charges.”

“Why?” Carisi challenged. “There’s DNA evidence, there’s drug screen evidence, and even though the circumstances may be unusual to a jury, I’m pretty sure I can convince them—”

“Because she didn’t do it.”

Carisi made a disbelieving face. “She didn’t rape Ryan Miller?”

Barba shook his head. “No. She didn’t. I wouldn’t have taken this case if I thought she did.”

Even though Carisi had suspected that from the start, he nonetheless shook his head as well. “DNA evidence—”

Barba cut him off. “She had sex with him. But she didn’t rape him.”

Carisi stared at him, his lip curling in disgust. “I cannot believe you of all people are gonna stand in front of me and try to argue in favor of a rapist. I truly cannot—”

“I’ve known Kylie for over four years,” Barba interrupted, his voice low, urgent. “Only I had the misfortune of meeting her in a hospital room, right after she’d been processed for a sexual assault exam.”

Carisi blinked. “She was raped?”

Barba nodded. “By a brother at Theta Nu Tau, when she was a student at Hudson University.”

“Theta Nu—” Carisi paused, realization hitting as to where he’d heard that particular frat before. “Wait a minute.”

Barba half-smiled, something equal parts exhausted and triumphant in the small quirk of his lips. “Yes, the same fraternity that Ryan Miller was pledging upstate.”

Carisi took a deep breath before shaking his head again. “Ok, I’ll grant you that’s a helluva coincidence, but—”

“Kylie was a warrior,” Barba interrupted, his tone turning urgent. “She fought every step of the way, through the school discipline process and through the courts. She testified, even though she knew what people would say about her, that they’d ask if she wanted it, or what she was wearing, or if she was drunk. And her rapist is serving twenty years behind bars because of her bravery.”

“And because you’re a damn good prosecutor,” Carisi told him, his voice low, sincere despite everything, because he knew what it took to get a he-said, she-said to come out in favor of the victim.

Barba just shrugged like that wasn’t something he cared about. “She also got Hudson to shut down Theta Nu Tau, a move that sparked a lot of backlash against her. It ended up getting so bad that she took a few years off before transferring to Columbia. And now she’s being accused of rape by a Theta Nu Tau fratboy on spring break from a university upstate.”

Carisi sighed. “Like I said, that’s a helluva coincidence, but I need more than a coincidence to drop the charges.”

“More?” Barba repeated sharply. “You need more to save a rape victim from being revictimized by a lie?”

“Generally speaking, yeah,” Carisi said curtly. “Because if things were reversed, if the victim was a young woman who had DNA evidence on her side, you wouldn’t be standing here arguing this with me right now. Matter of fact, you wouldn’t be arguing for the rapist at all.” Barba started to interrupt but Carisi didn’t let him. “I know you haven’t exactly been around to find out, but I’m a pretty good prosecutor too, Counselor. And I don’t care what kind of coincidence you hand me, I can convince that jury that that’s all it is — a coincidence. Ryan Miller was pledging four different fraternities and didn’t even know he’d been picked for Theta Nu Tau until after the rape. And as much as I feel for Kylie, being a victim in the past does not mean she’s not capable of being a perpetrator now.”

To his surprise, Barba smiled, sharp and triumphant. “Good,” he said simply. 

Carisi blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“You’re standing your ground,” Barba said evenly. “Good. You need to be able to do that to succeed in this job.”

Carisi’s brow furrowed as he stared at Barba, trying to understand his angle. “Uh, sure, but I’m not exactly gonna capitulate just because you’re complimenting me.”

“No, you’re going to capitulate because I have evidence to support me,” Barba told him. “I just wanted to see what you would say if I didn’t have evidence to give you.”

Carisi gaped at him, and Barba dug in his briefcase and pulled out a crumpled, bright orange flyer, handing it to Carisi, who looked down at it skeptically. “Fulton University Theta Nu Tau Fraternity Pledge week point list,” he read out loud. “10 points for each girl you—” He broke off, making a face. “I’m not gonna read that out loud.”

Barba cleared his throat. “If I can turn your attention to the bonus points section—”

Carisi quickly scanned the rest of the flyer before seeing what Barba was referring to, bolded at the bottom of the page. “Infinity points for fucking that bitch Kylie Long and getting her locked up for the deed.” He looked up at Barba. “Well that’s—”

“A helluva coincidence?” Barba supplied, with a little half-smile.

“Something I can actually use,” Carisi said. “I’ll pass this on to the squad. They’re gonna have to coordinate with Fulton University staff and Oswego County police but this is at least enough to ask for a continuance. And if it’s substantiated, well—”

“You’ll drop the charges?”

Carisi shrugged. “I’ll do what I can.”

Barba grinned. “You also know better than to promise something,” he said. “Good.”

Carisi shrugged again, though this time he couldn’t quite bring himself to meet Barba’s eyes. “Yeah, well, once upon a time, I had a good teacher.”

An awkward silence filled the elevator at that, as Carisi avoided looking at Barba even as he could feel Barba’s eyes on him, sizing him up. Carisi had never so fervently wished for the elevator to start moving again. “I get the feeling that you’re still mad at me,” Barba said measuredly after a long moment, “but I’m not entirely sure why.”

“You don’t know why?” Carisi asked, incredulous.

Barba shook his head, his expression unreadable. “I understand you’re not exactly pleased that I’m on the defense team for this case, but I thought you would understand that I’m acting as a victim advocate, not a defense attorney, and—”

“That’s not why I’m mad at you,” Carisi interrupted, his voice tight.

“Then why?”

“Because you disappeared!” Carisi didn’t mean to shout it, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he couldn’t stop them, spilling everything he’d felt for the last two years, everything he’d tried to make sense of but had never been able to. “Because you left the DA’s office and dropped off the face of the earth right when I needed you most! I could understand when you didn’t show up for my first arraignment, and my first time leading voir dire wasn’t exactly something I wanted anyone to witness. But my first trial?” Carisi swallowed hard against the anger and pain and longing that battled within him. “You couldn’t even be bothered to show your face for that, when all I wanted was someone in my corner who understood what I was going through, someone to tell me I was gonna make it out ok!”

Barba shook his head but Carisi didn’t let him interrupt. “I drafted my letter of resignation during that first trial, I was that convinced I was gonna lose it. And one word from you — just one — would’ve been enough for me to tear that letter into pieces and throw it out.”

“Did you?” Barba asked softly, and Carisi stared at him.

“Did I what?”

Barba raised his chin, just slightly. “Did you throw it out?”

Carisi threw his hands up in the air in frustration. “Well I obviously didn’t submit it, I’m standing here, aren’t I?”

Barba just shrugged. “Then you didn’t need me.”

Carisi gaped at him, and Barba shook his head. “I know you may not believe me,” he said, his voice low, “but I wanted to be there. More than anything.”

“Then why weren’t you?”

“Because you didn’t need me there,” Barba repeated. “And I knew that if I was, that if I showed up in court, that if I watched, you would spend the entire time wondering what I would do in your place, wondering if you were disappointing me, wondering if you would ever be as good as you always thought I was. What you needed was to make mistakes all on your own and figure out how to come back from that.” He paused, examining Carisi’s expression closely before adding, “What you needed was for you to believe in yourself as much as I always have, and if I had been there, you never would.”

“That’s—”

“Am I right, Counselor?” Barba asked, a challenge in his voice, and for what felt like the first time all day, Carisi smiled, just slightly.

“Like a broken clock,” he murmured, echoing Barba’s words from so long ago back at him. “But even if I didn’t need you there, I still wanted you there.”

Barba sighed. “I know,” he said. “And I wanted to be there, too.” He paused, squaring his shoulders. “But I’m here now. And I know, after all this time, after everything I’ve done, I have no right—”

“Raf—”

Carisi’s voice broke, just slightly, knowing where this was going and torn between wanting to hear what Barba had to say and not knowing if he could handle it, but Barba just shook his head. “Sonny, please, let me just say this—” He paused, searching Carisi’s face before telling him, “There was a time when I thought that if we ever got to this point, with you off the force, with me out of the DA”s office, that maybe we could make this work.” He didn’t have to specify what ‘this’ was — they both knew exactly what had been between them, the late nights and the flirting that dipped into something more, the handful of hookups that neither man had ever addressed as meaning what they both half-hoped it would. “And I know we probably missed our chance, but…”

He trailed off, and Carisi swallowed hard, looking at him. “But what?” he prompted softly.

Instead of answering, Barba reached out, resting his hand lightly against Carisi’s chest, right on top of the tattoo that he was one of the few who even knew existed, the tattoo Carisi had gotten after Mike Dodds’ funeral. “I have fought a good fight,” he whispered, and Carisi lifted his own hand to rest lightly on top of Barba’s.

“I have finished my course,” he continued, his voice low, “I have kept the faith.”

Barba looked up at him, and for once all of his sharp edges had fallen away. “And I have,” he said softly. “Even if you’ve lost all faith in me — even if I more than deserve to have all faith lost in me — I’ve never lost faith in you. No matter what else, I just need you to know that.”

There were so many things Carisi wanted to say to that, but there was only one thing that he knew he could. He closed his hand around Barba’s and gently lifted it, moving it to rest instead against his rib cage, against the tattoo he had never been given the chance to show Barba. “Micah, Chapter 6, Verse 8,” he said. “And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice—”

“And love mercy,” Barba finished, and he took a moment before looking up at Carisi. “When did you get that?”

“Two days after your acquittal.” Barba’s eyes widened, and Carisi managed a small smile. “Let’s just say I also kept the faith.”

There were so many more things they needed to say, so much from the last two years that had changed each of them, but at that moment, none of those things mattered. Carisi pulled Barba close, ducking his head, his nose just brushing against Barba’s as he took a moment to revel in them being here, being together, before he kissed him.

For as long as they had both been waiting for this moment, the kiss was brief, but when they broke apart, it was with a shared understanding. “Not yet,” Carisi murmured, and Barba nodded, a small smile lifting one corner of his mouth.

“After you drop the charges,” he supplied, and Carisi rolled his eyes, a smile of his own flitting across his face.

“After you’re no longer a defense attorney,” he said pointedly.

Barba shook his head. “This is a one time deal,” he said evenly. “I promise.”

“It better be,” Carisi muttered, even as he pulled Barba close again, this time just wrapping his arms around him and holding him tightly. Barba tucked his chin to rest his head against Carisi’s chest, and they stayed like that for a long time.

Then, without warning, the elevator jolted, letting out a horrible shriek of metal on metal, and both men reluctantly parted, Carisi giving a withering look at the elevator. “Oh, sure, now it decides to start working,” he grumbled.

Barba laughed lightly. “It’s fine,” he said. “Besides, another five minutes stuck in here together and I definitely would’ve convinced you to drop the charges.”

“Too bad we’ll never find out,” Carisi shot back.

But something softened in Barba’s expression as he looked at him. “Yeah,” he said, “it is too bad.”

The elevator shuddered to a halt on the first floor and the door slid open. Barba took a few steps out before turning and looking back at Carisi. “You know, there’s an end to that Bible verse.” Carisi frowned slightly, and Barba elaborated, “Do justice, and love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.” He half-smiled. “I was never very good at the walk humbly part, but you– I always knew you were a better man than me. You’ve got a real chance to be an incredible ADA, Sonny, and it’s not because me. It’s because of you, and everything you are.”

Carisi felt too choked up to say anything, and it took him a moment to recover. “Raf—”

“Save it,” Barba told him, his smile widening just slightly. “Tell me it over drinks, after the end of this case.”

Carisi nodded. “Deal,” he said.

“Good,” Barba said. “Then I’ll see you in court.”

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Carisi staring after him, a small, soft smile lingering on his face. Then he pulled out his phone, and he called Olivia. “Hey, Liv, we might need to reopen the Kylie Long case. Her defense team turned over some new evidence that complicates this whole thing.”

He could hear Olivia’s scowl through the phone. “New evidence?” she demanded. “Who’s on her defense team?”

“Believe it or not,” Carisi said, still staring after Barba, “someone you and I trust to actually know what he’s doing.”


End file.
